I’ve been feeling a little lost over the past couple of days. I finished work two weeks ago so I’m now at home full time. I have to admit I’m really enjoying it. The little ones are a real joy to be with. Believe me I never thought I’d say that. The three-year-old has got such a great imagination. When he’s playing and I listen in, his games are full of adventure and excitement – and a lot of fighting and destroying, but then he is a boy!
The one-year-old really is pretty cute. She likes to give things to the dog, figures, puzzle pieces, my phone... every now and again I have to go to his bed and empty it of the favours she’s presented him with. Her favourite game is putting things in pots or boxes. Sit her in front of a pile of bricks and a selection of pots and she’ll be there for hours, or she’ll take the bricks to the dog.
We haven’t done a lot in the last two weeks and I’ve let the three-year-old watch too much telly all the time, but he’s discovered Nick Jr on sky and totally love’s it. It’s getting him interested in different things to Cbeebies, exploring, letters, dancing, having fun. He’s like a little TV sponge!
When I was at home before I had a ridged weekly schedule, with something to do each day. It made me really stressed, but it’s what I needed to do to get myself going. I hated being at home in our tiny flat with bored kids so I never stayed home.
Now that I like our house I’m not sure how to balance things. I need to give the kids things to do, take them places and do fun stuff with them, but I also need time at home to do house work and relax.
Also when I am at home I need to get off my bottom and DO the house work. I spend far too much time procrastinating, looking things up on the internet and sitting on Facebook. And I don’t even know why – it’s pretty boring sometimes! I’m just such an obsessive, once I get into something I then can never find a balance. So how’s best to combat this latest obsession. Stop being stupid and switch of the laptop I think....
27th September 2008
Last night my darling husband had a call from his brother. Him and his wife and their darling daughter were coming to visit, this evening.
Oh holy crap.
The house as ever looked, well let’s just say as it normally does. Now, if this was someone normal coming to visit I wouldn’t have been in such a panic. But my sister-in-law is not a normal person, she is Bury St. Edmunds answer to Anthea Turner. When visiting this woman’s house I never want to touch anything, anything I’m wearing feels dirty, I feel like I should bleach from head to toe before stepping through the door. She polishes the tops of her doorways. Who does that?? Anyway you’re getting the idea.
The thought of her arriving here, to see the leaning tower of paperwork, the grubby handprints at 3ft high around most of the doors, the un-hoovered carpet, the monstrous pile of washing taking over my landing, or the collection of cardboard toilet roll tubes collecting next to the toilet made me feel sick.
There was only one answer. I had to clean and tidy.
I was aided by daylight saving time, which gave me an extra hour, and Nickelodeon Junior, which kept the kids amused all day. I was the epitome of the term ‘whirling dervish’. I sorted, tidied, dusted, folded, scrubbed, polished, hoovered, swept and mopped. It took me 9 hours. I cleaned everything, doors, banisters, light switches and even plugs. I went through 2 packets of baby wipes (the greatest cleaning tool). By the time they got here at 6.15 the house sparkled. My husband was delighted and beaming when he saw it.
So they came, they drank tea, they picked up what they came for and they left. Afterwards I sat on the sofa and thought, I do actually like it being clean and tidy. I feel a sense of accomplishment. And now that it’s done I should be able to maintain it. Well that’s the theory anyway!
And at some stage I’ll do my bedroom, well they weren’t going to go in there were they!
Oh holy crap.
The house as ever looked, well let’s just say as it normally does. Now, if this was someone normal coming to visit I wouldn’t have been in such a panic. But my sister-in-law is not a normal person, she is Bury St. Edmunds answer to Anthea Turner. When visiting this woman’s house I never want to touch anything, anything I’m wearing feels dirty, I feel like I should bleach from head to toe before stepping through the door. She polishes the tops of her doorways. Who does that?? Anyway you’re getting the idea.
The thought of her arriving here, to see the leaning tower of paperwork, the grubby handprints at 3ft high around most of the doors, the un-hoovered carpet, the monstrous pile of washing taking over my landing, or the collection of cardboard toilet roll tubes collecting next to the toilet made me feel sick.
There was only one answer. I had to clean and tidy.
I was aided by daylight saving time, which gave me an extra hour, and Nickelodeon Junior, which kept the kids amused all day. I was the epitome of the term ‘whirling dervish’. I sorted, tidied, dusted, folded, scrubbed, polished, hoovered, swept and mopped. It took me 9 hours. I cleaned everything, doors, banisters, light switches and even plugs. I went through 2 packets of baby wipes (the greatest cleaning tool). By the time they got here at 6.15 the house sparkled. My husband was delighted and beaming when he saw it.
So they came, they drank tea, they picked up what they came for and they left. Afterwards I sat on the sofa and thought, I do actually like it being clean and tidy. I feel a sense of accomplishment. And now that it’s done I should be able to maintain it. Well that’s the theory anyway!
And at some stage I’ll do my bedroom, well they weren’t going to go in there were they!
21st October 2008
I managed to run out of tablets. Anti-depressants, the kind that balance out the chemicals in your brain. The kind that say on them do not stop taking this medication suddenly. I ran out, last week. I knew I was getting low so in the last two weeks I’ve taken 3. The last couple of days have not been fun. The side effects are described on the Internet as ‘an electric shock feeling’. Its a pretty accurate description, although the feeling isn't paid, but like a tide washing through your brain. Thinking straight is hard, I’ve found it really dificult to hold on to and follow a train of thought.
Today I went to get my prescription. On the way someone called me, I got my phone out of my bag and dropped it, looked down like an idiot and hit the car in front of me. Thankfully we were approaching a round a bout and I was breaking so going about 5 mph. The three-year-old said 'Oh mummy why did you bump that car?'
It was an old guy in a very old BMW. I got out of the car, apologised, and realised he had a tow-bar. Bugger. So thankfully no insurance claim, no damage to his car – however I now have a smashed number plate and a damaged bumper. And a car that needs an MOT in 8 days. Great.
On the plus side I now have the stupid tablets and have taken them and after sleeping for 2 hours this afternoon am beginning to remember what feeling normal is like.
Husband thinks I should sell the car and not have one. I have tried to explain that being pregnant, with two children under 4 and not having a car is actually my idea of hell and will cause me to have a nervous breakdown. Where would I be if I couldn’t drive round randomly to send the kids to sleep when they’re crazing me!
Today I went to get my prescription. On the way someone called me, I got my phone out of my bag and dropped it, looked down like an idiot and hit the car in front of me. Thankfully we were approaching a round a bout and I was breaking so going about 5 mph. The three-year-old said 'Oh mummy why did you bump that car?'
It was an old guy in a very old BMW. I got out of the car, apologised, and realised he had a tow-bar. Bugger. So thankfully no insurance claim, no damage to his car – however I now have a smashed number plate and a damaged bumper. And a car that needs an MOT in 8 days. Great.
On the plus side I now have the stupid tablets and have taken them and after sleeping for 2 hours this afternoon am beginning to remember what feeling normal is like.
Husband thinks I should sell the car and not have one. I have tried to explain that being pregnant, with two children under 4 and not having a car is actually my idea of hell and will cause me to have a nervous breakdown. Where would I be if I couldn’t drive round randomly to send the kids to sleep when they’re crazing me!
9th October 2008
I have, through the wonderful medium of Facebook, got in touch with some very old friends. Friends that I haven't seen for many lifetimes. The first, Old- Friend-From-School, I cared about deeply through our high school years. We were from different circles of friends, but we had one lesson together. We treasured this time, to talk and council and gossip. We spent a fortune on 'rough books' to write our adolescent woes in or make up stories to pass the monotonous lessons. I loved this time with her, I didn't try and be 'cool' or impressive, or anything other than her friend.
The other, Friend-From-My-Childhood, I haven't spoken to really since before we went to separate high schools. I have some outstanding childhood memories thanks to her. The kind of memories you hope your children will have. Of playing in gardens, bike rides through country lanes, scrapped knees, prank phone calls, sleep overs and squabbles over toys. She had a Nintendo, which made me jealous. Her mum had a parrot which scared the hell out of me.
I am very glad to be back in touch with old friends. I find strange parallels between our lives. We are all married, we have kids and homes and pets. I think we possibly have more in common now than we did before. They have brightened my life by wanting to be friends again.
I do worry though. I am terrible at keeping in touch. Do I warn them about this? Let them know that when I don't respond I am not ignoring, simply forgetful and in a rush. I am not as good a friend as I should be to many people. Will taking on more mean I spread my capacity for keeping in touch too thin? I guess I'll just have to try my best.
The other, Friend-From-My-Childhood, I haven't spoken to really since before we went to separate high schools. I have some outstanding childhood memories thanks to her. The kind of memories you hope your children will have. Of playing in gardens, bike rides through country lanes, scrapped knees, prank phone calls, sleep overs and squabbles over toys. She had a Nintendo, which made me jealous. Her mum had a parrot which scared the hell out of me.
I am very glad to be back in touch with old friends. I find strange parallels between our lives. We are all married, we have kids and homes and pets. I think we possibly have more in common now than we did before. They have brightened my life by wanting to be friends again.
I do worry though. I am terrible at keeping in touch. Do I warn them about this? Let them know that when I don't respond I am not ignoring, simply forgetful and in a rush. I am not as good a friend as I should be to many people. Will taking on more mean I spread my capacity for keeping in touch too thin? I guess I'll just have to try my best.
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