14th August 2008

What an emotional day. I'm exhausted. Emotionally and physically. I've spent a lot of the day crying, but I think we have it sorted now. I'm not quite ready to put it all into words. That would make it too real.

I've decided two things today. Firstly I like being at home. I like my little family unit, I like being mum. I love my children. They make me smile, make me want to bake cookies and go on nature hikes, make play dough and read them Enid Blyton books. I want to be a stay at home mom, from a small town in 1930s America.

The second thing I decided was I am hooked on American crime drama. NCIS is my current favourite followed by CSI Vegas, Miami and New York, in that order. I want to be Abby from NCIS. She is so cool, sort of goth crossed with Betty Page. Its great, all black hair in pigtails and mini-skirts. If I could be 18 again I'd dress like that.

I've just spotted a theme. Why is it I think about being someone or something else? Do I really think that little of myself that all I can do is think about who else I could be. Maybe I should find out who lives in this body and try and be her for a while.