10th August 2008

A friend told me she'd read my Blog today. She said she didn't realise I felt so down. I asked my husband, he said I do sound down about life if you listen to me talk. I didn't realise. I suppose that I made the decision to be totally honest and open in this Blog and its come out quite negative, which upsets me. I always think of myself as a positive person. I see the good in people, I'm trusting, I love my children and my husband. There are things I am down about, my weight, my smoking, my lack of qualifications, our continual lack of money, the fact I can't keep my house clean and tidy, my mum. I suppose its quite a big list really! There are things I can do about most of these things; I'm going to join weight watchers, I can give up smoking when I feel less stressed, I've signed up for an OU course in Feb next year so I can start working towards a degree, we're sorting out our finances. I need to be more organised and disciplined with the housework.

I think a lot of it is to do with my post-natal depression. I've had it quite badly this time round. I've just changed my tablets too and the new ones are much better. I'm starting to feel like my old self again, I've even got my libido back, which my husband is thrilled about! But its been a long and hard 9 months since I was at rock bottom and I think it will be a long and possibly hard climb back up. I know my life isn't perfect, but its better than some peoples and I have a caring husband and two beautiful kids who make my smile and laugh everyday.

And for everything else I can get therapy!!